What Would You Do?

During my drive to work yesterday I came around a slight bend in the highway and noticed a Semi truck quickly change out of the middle lane, into the right lane and then onto the shoulder and stop. I sort of scanned the situation and noticed there was a small car (Honda S2000 or BMW M-Coupe or something like that) in a bit of a ravine smoking. I did not know what happened but it didn’t look good. There was already a minivan that had pulled over and the driver and passenger appeared to be getting out to assist. I assume the truck was either going to help or was involved in the actual accident.

Things seemed to be well enough in hand but for some reason I keep thinking about this one.  Should I have pulled over as well?  I was in the 3rd lane heading into a little bumper to bumper action but by the time I processed what I was seeing I was most of the way past.

What would you have done (now in morally indifferent poll form … )?

10 Things

Well Jorge is at it again.  I have been tagged again with one of these Pyramid Scheme blog post things.  I didn’t receive any money from the last one (which you can see here) so I am not sure how the scam works (I should of been a millionaire by my math).  It appears Jules is the mastermind behind this one …

Here are the rules … simply provide a list of 10 things that you can not live without.  People and Animals are not to be included.  I think Jorge took a bit of the cheap way out with things like food and air but he might have some other stuff on his mind these days (I hear he twitches and springs to his feet anytime he gets a phone call from home/Mrs Jorge).  I will take the high road and include only specific examples (like my favourite food or type of air).

1. iPOD – mostly due to my commute, if it was not for this little magic device there would be more then one deceased driver lying in the shoulder of the 401 by my hand, leading to my incarceration (minimum).
2. High Speed Internet – have you used dial up lately … I had a 300 baud modem for my Commodore 64.  That is like one step away from throwing your own excrement for entertainment.
3. DVR – Travis has bath and bed around 8.  This also happens to be when all the good ‘normal’ TV shows start.  If I couldn’t record the shows I watch I probably wouldn’t watch anything.  I understand this is probably the better option but I am not ready for that.  A digital video recorder is one of those things that once you get a taste your an addict.
4. High Def Television – Much like number 3, once you get a taste there is no going back.  I used to say that I wasn’t interested in it until I really was exposed.
5. Diet Coke – I used to make fun of our friend Ward because he drank Diet Coke … because he preferred the taste over regular Coke.  I switched to Diet Coke a long time ago to avoid the sugar.  Now on occasion I will have a regular Coke and it is simply too sweat to drink.  Ward, I am sorry.
6. Sports – I probably should play more and watch less but no matter which way you serve it up, I love it.
7. E-Mail – Just because I am ‘The Fone Guy’ at work doesn’t mean I like to use the phone.  I much rather communicate via the written word.
8. Cow – Does this break the animal rule? Honestly some of my favourite things come from cows … Beef (all my favourite cuts), Gravy, Milk, Butter, Ice Cream plus you can wear leather and ride them too.  Does any other animal do more?  Cow, the Swiss army knife of the animal kingdom.
9. Potato – I feel pretty much the same way about potatoes as I do cows.  Plus, according to Canada’s food guide one serving of french fries counts as a serving of vegetables.  If it wasn’t for fries I wouldn’t be very healthy now would I?
10. Love Gambling – nothing makes something really boring liven up like a round of betting.  I love poker and blackjack and everything in between.  Slots … that just silly.

The last round of tags only resulted in 1 reply since most of my friend’s blogs are dead.  So I will tag the person who actually replied plus 4 of my famous friends.

Tagging: JayRo, Ana Kournikova, Rick Mercer, MC Hammer and of course Wil Wheaton.

I Blizzle Fo’ Shizzle

In some sort of weird Internet blog chain letter or pyramid scam, it looks like I am supposed to provide five reason why I blog and then get five other bloggers to do the same. The person directly at fault is of course the in-famous (as in more then famous) El Guapo (aka Jorge).

Using my incredible sleuthing skills I have identified the top of the pyramid as Edward Mills. I am not exactly sure how the scam works but please if anyone sees this guy walking around with a million dollars please let me know.

At the same time I don’t want to mock the forces that be so I will submit my list. We are not interested in any more bad ju-ju around these parts. There is a bit of cross over with the other lists

1. Creativity – If the people who really know me were asked to describe me I don’t think creativity would come up as one of the adjectives (feel free to list some in the comments). I don’t feel I am very creative either (I am pretty math/logic orientated, most things to me are black or white) but this blog gives me enough of a outlet to fulfill any little creative need I have.
2. Information – Having a kid and making a ridiculous commute takes up most of my free time. I started feeling a little disconnected from my family and friends. The blog gives me the ability to communicate with many people in a little bit of time.
3. Comfort – I am much more comfortable conveying stories, opinion and information when I have some time to writing it out. Looking at some of my posts this may blow your mind but it is true. Heidi is a incredible verbal debater … my combination of apathy and inability to explain my point make it hard to get my point across and still seem valid. I suggested once that we should have these types of conversations via email.
4. Motivation – When I started this blog I intended to give a weekly recount of my weight struggles. Lying to myself is easy, lying to my imagined audience is harder. This does help me a bit but I haven’t been a mountain of self control either. I was 250.4 lbs this morning, down a little but plenty short of where I should be to meet my goal for next year. It seems I still continue to do more talk about doing then actual doing.
5. Truthiness – I enjoy being able to say things and behave like it is the absolute truth. The Internet provides some amount of anonymity to hide behind to make ridiculous claims like they were fact. Once it is on the Internet it pretty much is fact isn’t it?

Well now that is done and Mr. Mills is up a couple more bucks there are the 5 suckers I anoint to do the same. I have a feeling some of them may break the chain and feel the wrath so don’t stand too close to them in the near future.

Jay, Jav ,Matt, Graham, Boyd

Inappropriate Comments

Almost everyday I see the President of the company I work for grab the newspaper from reception and head to the washroom.  Is it inappropriate to say something like …

“Have a good dump!”

Even though I mean it I realize that this is not the right thing to say, no matter how much I want to.  I have a similar problem when I am out and about town with Heidi and I see someone and just want to say …

“Very nice moustache, ma’am!”

Growing up is tough to do.

Personal Awakening

I have no patience. None at all and the strangest part of it … this is news to me.

For some reason I thought I had patience and I am not really sure why because it is simply not true. I can sit in traffic for hours (which seems to be part of the daily grind these days) without it really getting to me to badly. Or I can allow people to provide awful customer service to me without getting irate (unlike a certain wife of mine). I mistook these types of things for patience, this is apathy and I have plenty of it. But as strange this discovery, it is also enlightening.

Fine detail work makes me crazy. At home I am no longer allowed to do edging when painting and dont even get me started about caulking. When I was into miniature war gaming all of my models were painted in primer grey, I just couldnt get them painted in a way that didnt look like shite. Any time a task didnt go exactly as planned I would grow frustrated and it would likely become a battle between me and some inanimate object. And now I know the reason why all of this was true … and there is a great peace.

How did you figure this all out, you might ask. Well someone beyond his years taught me. Travis. Yes, my (almost) 4 month old son. I figured that being able to entertain a baby wouldnt be a problem … since I was such a patient person. But he showed me that I was wrong. It takes a lot to be on all the time to keep him entertained. The Wife really shines in this department. I do not. But now that I know, it is something I can work on.

Arent kids smart?

What Is Wrong With Me?

I find the humour in most things.  Low brow jokes or really high level thinkers, it doesn’t matter, I will probably like it.  But as much as this doesn’t seem to be a problem, it is.  I simply don’t know where to draw the line.  I am missing the part of the brain that tells you this is funny and this is inappropriate to laugh at or evn think. 

There are two things I feel are funny no matter the circumstances …

• Falling Down
• Dropping Your Pants

If you happen to fall down and your pants pop off, someone better bring me a change of pants and a respirator.  Midgets/Little People probably should be on the list too.  I am fascinated with them when I know I shouldn’t be.  I better get my will together just in case I see a midget fall down and have their pants come off.

Just a few months ago, nearing the end of winter, ‘The Wife’ and I were in the car returning from some shopping (probably).  We were right by the mall when I noticed on the sidewalk someone absolutely wipe out on a patch of ice.  I laughed … there was a quick in the ribs and I was told ‘That was a little old lady’, there was some remorse on my part but it still didn’t stop it from being funny.  I laugh at things that I know it is inappropriate to laugh at and I can’t stop myself.  ‘The Wife’ can’t really complain too much since, to her, there doesn’t seem to be anything funnier then when I get hurt.

Once, some time ago, I went with a couple of friends to a shady electronics show/sale thing.  After we left disappointed that we paid to get in and found nothing of value, we went to the Harvey’s next door to grab something to eat.  The first of my friends ordered his meal, received it and went to sit down.  I believe my other friend and myself were standing there waiting for our meals when there was some commotion from behind the counter.  One of the employees fell down to the ground and began to shake.  I must of recognized some level of the seriousness of the situation as I only found it mildly funny.  It wasn’t until someone said ‘Who Ordered The Seizure Salad?’ that I laughed, pretty much insuring I will be enjoying a fiery afterlife.  My friend laugh too, sealing his fate as well.  The paramedics showed up as we ate our meal.  Later I found out that it was actually me that said it and even as I type this story out, I giggle to myself.

My long lost friend Mal (who at last report was mauled by a bear and seen floating face down in a river) used to think Burn Victims were funny.  As awful as this might seem it provides little solace.  What is wrong with me?

I Am Superman

Being a child prodigy can be tough.  Because of the awesome thoughts that would flow through my mind it was hard deal with smaller, more normal things.  I was never the most social kid and for some reason tying my shoes was a bit of an issue (yes I rocked the Velcro for longer then it was cool).  But none of this mattered, my mind had more important things to do. 

It was actually me that realized one of the great universal truths.  The type of realization that starts its own branch of science (ever heard of Physics?).  It was so simple it had to be true (isn’t it funny how easy it is to overlook things that are so obvious).  I have blocked most of memories of the testing and interrogation that followed.  Jealous scientists, trying to figure out what made this small boy a genius.  I am starting to sweat just thinking about the horrors. 

A few of my closest friends know about my, now infamous, theorem but I consider all of my readers my friends now so I figured it was time I shared with you …

 

Superman Black Hair Logic

Superman has black hair
I have black hair
I am Superman

QED