Our Internet Hero?

March 4, 2011 3 comments

I think we talked about Urban Ninja in the past.  I guess I overlooked this video as an amazing one off until I came across this …

Obviously I find this video awesome on several levels.  But it is the trailer for Urban Ninja III at the end is really was peaked my interest.  Not only was this great news but it also pointed out that I had missed Urban Ninja II.  Immediately some internet searching began.  Quickly I was lead to the YouTube channel of the creator Robert Hoffman (aka PunchRobert).  Quickly looking through his collection of videos he appears to be extremely well rounded.  Breakdancer, Ninja, Comedian, Singer, Prankster and Rapper.  Sounds like the perfect entertainer to me.

So we would officially like to put the support of PiratesAndNinja.com behind PunchRobert.  Check out his website and youtube page, you won’t be disappointed.  Here are a couple of samples to make it easy for you.


ABC Better Lawyer Up

February 25, 2011 2 comments

In our house, comedy reins supreme.  Even in our television selection, most of our DVR series recordings are comedies.  How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, 30 Rock and Community are all top notch shows.  But far and away our favourite is Modern Family.  They are half way through the second season and they continue to deliver every episode.  If you are not watching you really are doing yourself a disservice.

From the very beginning of the show I could relate to Phil.  The funny husband who is a joy to be around while perfectly balancing being a professional, a husband and a father is something that hits close to home.  None of his genius plans ever seem to work out.  Even though he is tremendously handy, he somehow ends up getting hurt.  Phil treats his son like he is a person not a kid.  He is fascinated by gadgets and addicted to fantasy sports.  Ladies love him and other men want to be him.

But then it dawned on me, the reason why I can relate so well, why everything seems so familiar … I am Phil Dunphy.  ABC has created their smash hit TV show, basing one of the main characters on me, my life and my stories.  Where’s my cut, my big check?

This weeks episode is the one that finally clued me in.  *SPOILER ALERT* It begins with Phil and his wife the morning after a huge fight … which Phil has no idea what it was about.  He spends the next day trying to fix (because men need to solve problems, not sympathize with the emotions involved) everything has gone wrong in actuality digging himself a deeper whole.  Some might say that this is common place between men and women but the end of the episode is the real capper.  Phil finally comes with a super adorable way to make everything better with the wife and their relationship becomes stronger then ever … Mike Croft Style indeed.

Now that I am on to ABC, I am expecting some sort of cheque or profit sharing arrangement toute suite or they will be receiving a nasty email from my lawyer.

Categories: Awesome, TV

Self Service License

February 21, 2011 2 comments

This post marks the start of a what will likely be a long running series.  I am going to rant about something, provide some sort of ridiculous solution, totally ignoring practicality and then really not do anything to bring about change other then the original complaint.  We will begin with something I have briefly talked about in the past but was solidly reminded about today …

Self Service Check Outs

For anyone who has attempted to use these devices during any time of volume at a store you probably have noticed the basic problem with them.  Society is not adept enough to use these machines.  During most busy periods I have seen these are only adding to the frustration of the crowd.   People have no idea what they are doing and instead of helping the customers get through the purchase process, they have become a collection of ‘call attendant’ machines.  Of course this bank of 8 machines only has one attendant and the whole scene makes me want to return to the housewares department and find some knives.

So I am thinking we simply train, test and license people to use these machines.  With only qualified people using the machines they will fullfill their purpose of helping churn the unwashed masses through the store.  Wanting to speed their way through the system will motivate the ignorant to learn and get licensed.  Seems like an easy fix to me.  Lets get this one done right away!

You’re Welcome!

Categories: Solving Your Problems

While You Are Waiting

February 18, 2011 Leave a comment

As I sort through hundreds of pieces of fan mail I can tell that most of you are pretty disappointed with the volume of post lately.  I can’t blame you, life has been busy (we have bought and sold houses in the last month) and I have been a little uninspired.

But I am going to try to bring back my A game.  I am quickly collecting topics to rant about.  Heidi has found a way to get me out of the house I have lived in for 28 years.  I have a son who is about to turn 5 years old and happens to be a top notch comedian, or at least a comedy goldmine.  I should have a plethora of topics to blather on about.

While you are waiting on me why don’t you have a look at the 2 new entries to my blog roll.  Both of these people have just recently started their current blogs but at the rate they are both producing content they will surpass me in both volume and quality, within a month.

Eleisa Wife Life – Eleisa is wife to Franklin whom I worked with for many years at Citi.  Even though I have only met her a couple of times and currently talk with Frankie occasionally on XBOX Live, the magic of Facebook and the posts on the blog keep me up to date with the whole family.  Topics mainly revolve around cooking, being mother to 2 kids and wife to a husband on hemodialysis.  But it is the posts about Frankie’s kidney failure that are the most moving, especially to anyone in a serious relationship.

J Gary Wise – Gary is a good friend who is an established Poker writer with ESPN but has just started this personal blog to expand his writing repertoire (<– from my word of the day calendar).  Just over a week old he has already  touched on a myriad of topics (Poker, MMA, Baseball, Movies, Television, Marriage and Mortgages) but no topic would surprise me.  Gary is an excellent and passionate writer and well worth the read, even if the topics don’t directly interest you.

I will never write as well as Gary or be as moving as Eleisa but the dedication to their writing makes me want to write again.  So spend some time reading their posts and then come back, I am sure I will have a new story of something terrible I saw in the men’s room shortly.

Categories: Friends, Links

Super Bowl XLV

February 6, 2011 Leave a comment

I really don’t have a good feeling about who is going to win the big game today.  There is no score or no scenario that would surprise me.  I would like to see Green Bay take it down but they are a pretty young team and this is the Steelers 3rd trip in the last 6 years.  People keep mentioning that the Pittsburgh offensive line is pretty banged up, but they have been terrible all year and Big Ben is at his best running around out of pocket (well that and in the bar with a few drinks in him).  But unknowing has never stopped me from gambling on the big game.

Normally JayRo is in Vegas this time of year to place some bets for me.  But not this year.  So I signed up at online betting site SportInteraction.  In part because they are Canadian, in part because their website seemed pretty user friendly and in part because their spokesperson Trish Stratus told me to. The site is super easy to use, their odds probably are not as good as one of the pro sites like Pinnacle or The Greek but it is still decent.  My only complaints is that beyond Winner + O/U, you can not place combination parlay’s on the Superbowl.  So as much as I would like to bet “Ben Roethlisberger Hits On Fergie during half time show +2000 w/ Aaron Rogers MVP +150 w/ Red Gatorade Poured On Winning Coach +1200”, I can’t.

So I have $35 whole dollars in play this year.  As I said at the start my ‘regular’ bets are Pittsburgh slanted but I think I have most of it covered here.

  • $10 – PIT +2.5 and Under 45 @3.73x – WIN $37.27
  • $10 – Ben Roethlisberger wins MVP @4.5x – WIN $45
  • $1 – Randomly Selected Attendance Guess (107200 to 107249) @151x – WIN $151
  • $5 – To Score a Touchdown Anytime – BJ Raji – YES @26x – WIN $130
  • $4 – To Score a Touchdown Anytime – Charles Woodson – YES @10x – WIN $40
  • $5 – MANE EVENT – Polamalu Gets His Hair Pulled Before Matthews @7x – WIN $35

Daddy’s going to buy a new car!

Categories: Sports

2011 Year Of The Do-Over?

January 4, 2011 1 comment

Well 2010 was a bit of strange year for me.  The first half was pretty good, by June I was within 6 or 7 pounds of my goal of 200lbs for the year.  I ran in my first 5K in 27:12 when I was hoping for 30-35 and things were just humming along.  But then Mom passed away in July and I lost focus.  I got a new job at a really exciting company but it made things kind of hectic, now introducing a commute and some growing pains.  I had to negotiate out of my weight loss bet with Gary.  My eating got pretty out of control in general (as I am both an emotional and stress eater) and the holidays were like icing on the cake (near literally, mmmm cake, mmmm icing).

This morning I got on the scale, which I have been avoiding for almost 2 months.  248 was the damage.  Exactly 1 year ago, on Jan 3 2010 I weighed in at 246.6.  In June I was 207.  So I managed to lose and gain back 40 lbs ending up with a overall gain of 1.4 lbs.  At least 15lbs of that is shame.

But it is time to get on that horse again.  Yes heroin, it helps you forget problems and leads to weigh loss.

Okay, that was a joke.  I am not going to get into bets or set dates and goals or do any silly diets.  I am going to simply eat smaller portions of better food and be more active.  This really needs to be a lifestyle change if I am going to maintain not just a race for a goal.  We are also seriously considering moving so that means I have get to work on prioritizing and finishing all of the house projects on the go.

So in summary, my New Year’s Resolution is simply this … Be Better.

Categories: Social Commentary, Tubby

2010 in review

January 2, 2011 Leave a comment

(This is some automated report on my blog health.  I haven’t posted in a while so this seemed like a pretty cheap entry.  I love the google search terms.  Makes me proud.  Happy New Year! Your Pal Mike.)


The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is on fire!.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 2,700 times in 2010. That’s about 6 full 747s.


In 2010, there were 78 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 317 posts. There were 51 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 3mb. That’s about 4 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was July 10th with 80 views. The most popular post that day was Goodbye Mom.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were piratesandninja.com, facebook.com, twitter.com, ianmill.wordpress.com, and alphainventions.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for nice jugs, fungus in basement, skinwich, halton hills, and rim job.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.


Goodbye Mom July 2010


Funeral Details July 2010


Skinwich August 2010


It’s Not The Frig’n LOST Smoke Monster May 2010


Leaving The Citi To Get A RIM Job. November 2010

Categories: General