PIRATES AND NINJA

The Bets Are In

Mike — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 01:35:33 +0000

Haven’t really been too active with my fun online betting account. I deposited $100, 6+ months ago and my balance before my NFL future bets was $100.75. Talk about ROE! I consider myself lucky to have any money after that Royal Wedding – Queen Wears A Yellow Hat catastrophe. I decided to splash some cash around big dollars on football.

Straight SB Bets:

$5 – Chargers to win the Superbowl +1000, Pays $55
$5 – Steelers to win the Superbowl +1100, Pays $60

Mike’s Retirement 8 Team Totals Parlay:

DEN Under 5.5 WINs
DAL Over 9.5 WINs
WAS Over 6.5 WINs
CIN Over 5.5 WINs
HOU Under 8.5 WINs
DET Under 7.5 WINs
GB Over 11.5 WINs
NO Under 10 WINs

Because the sports books apparently just give away money, the odds are this one are approximately +113348 so my $5 will win me $5672.39. Hopefully I will be able to send you a post card from my private island. Talk to you later, suckers!

Meh?

Mike — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 19:36:50 +0000

I was 270.4 this morning. Doing this thing for realzies now, watch out.

Smurfity Smurf Smurf

Mike — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 02:56:49 +0000

Well this morning I weighed in at 273. Down 4 pounds from last week. Not bad for not really doing too much beyond avoiding blantly terrible food. Baby steps.

The family went out to see The Smurf movie tonight (not in 3D thankfully). My offical review is MEH. It was okay. As far as kid movies go it was watchable but not great (great being Megamind or How To Train Your Dragon etc). Hank Azaria as Gargamel was the saving grace. SPOILER ALERT: he gets tasered and hit by a bus. It doesn’t take a lot to entertain this family.

The thing that upset me the most was the preview for the upcoming Alvin and Chipmunks movie. What happened to Jason Lee? He went from one of my favourite actors, staring in the early Kevin Smith movies, then became a Scientologist and now this. What a waste.

New House, New Person

Mike — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 02:41:54 +0000

Hello legion of internet followers. I have something to tell you that I have been avoiding for a while, so I am going to just come out and say it. Over the last year I haven’t been good nor exhibited anything that could be considered self control. This morning I weighed in at 277lbs. So to summerize, over the last 2 years I managed to lose 60lbs in one year and then turn around and put on 75lbs in the following year. Lets all agree not to tell Chris and Tanya.

It was a tough, hectic year and I am weak. Anything else I say here would just be an excuse. But I am putting that behind me and going to work on being a better person with better habbits. Hopefully these conversations we have through this blog will keep me honest.

I am now well into the new job, the family has moved into the new house and life is slowly rolling back into ‘normal’. Immediately I will be getting the eating under control. Then I need to figure out something to do exercise wise. I don’t have the luxury of a gym at the office anymore. Getting back to running seems like the best call, just for easy of access more then anything.

Wish me the best. It seems I need it.

Had It Up To Here

Mike — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 02:11:09 +0000

Back at the blog and angry in point form. Things I have had enough of …

Living in a trailer.
Gypsies looking into my soul.
Diesel pickup trucks idling for no real reason.
Having 3 stations that come in on this little TV … and not being able to fast forward through the commercials on said TV.
Drunk people yelling.
Children who have no bed time and should be penned.
Limited internet action.
“Emptying the tanks” … not a euphemism.
Little dogs.
Fridges that only hold 4 beers at a time.
Dirt roads and dust.
Spiders friggin everywhere.
Hitting my head on cabinets.
Lego Pirates Of The Caribbean.
A Laptop I have to use on my Lap and is approximately the temperature of the sun.
Humidity.
Toilets you use your foot to flush.
Worlds loudest air conditioner.
That dude hammering right now at 10pm.
Robotic vacuum cleaners looking to take over the world. HUAR!

I feel a little better.

Bad Lip Reading

Mike — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 01:03:46 +0000

I guess I have not been doing the best job of posting on the blog. Both work and life have been crazy busy <\WEAK-EXCUSE>. But that hasn’t stopped me from skowering the internet for those really special must see things. Well here is a quick one for you.

May I present Bad Lip Reading. Who ever they are, takes a music video, picks out new verses for the lip movements, records the new song and syncs it back up with the video. I used to refer to myself as a professional mis-interpreter so I really enjoyed these videos. I think you will too. Hopefully they keep pumping them out.

Black Eyed Peas’ Boom Boom Pow becomes Everybody Poops.

And in a incredible upgrade, internet sensation song Friday by Rebecca Black becomes Gang Fight.

Our Internet Hero?

Mike — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 04:45:42 +0000

I think we talked about Urban Ninja in the past. I guess I overlooked this video as an amazing one off until I came across this …

Obviously I find this video awesome on several levels. But it is the trailer for Urban Ninja III at the end is really was peaked my interest. Not only was this great news but it also pointed out that I had missed Urban Ninja II. Immediately some internet searching began. Quickly I was lead to the YouTube channel of the creator Robert Hoffman (aka PunchRobert). Quickly looking through his collection of videos he appears to be extremely well rounded. Breakdancer, Ninja, Comedian, Singer, Prankster and Rapper. Sounds like the perfect entertainer to me.

So we would officially like to put the support of PiratesAndNinja.com behind PunchRobert. Check out his website and youtube page, you won’t be disappointed. Here are a couple of samples to make it easy for you.

ABC Better Lawyer Up

Mike — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 04:15:12 +0000

In our house, comedy reins supreme. Even in our television selection, most of our DVR series recordings are comedies. How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, 30 Rock and Community are all top notch shows. But far and away our favourite is Modern Family. They are half way through the second season and they continue to deliver every episode. If you are not watching you really are doing yourself a disservice.

From the very beginning of the show I could relate to Phil. The funny husband who is a joy to be around while perfectly balancing being a professional, a husband and a father is something that hits close to home. None of his genius plans ever seem to work out. Even though he is tremendously handy, he somehow ends up getting hurt. Phil treats his son like he is a person not a kid. He is fascinated by gadgets and addicted to fantasy sports. Ladies love him and other men want to be him.

But then it dawned on me, the reason why I can relate so well, why everything seems so familiar … I am Phil Dunphy. ABC has created their smash hit TV show, basing one of the main characters on me, my life and my stories. Where’s my cut, my big check?

This weeks episode is the one that finally clued me in. *SPOILER ALERT* It begins with Phil and his wife the morning after a huge fight … which Phil has no idea what it was about. He spends the next day trying to fix (because men need to solve problems, not sympathize with the emotions involved) everything has gone wrong in actuality digging himself a deeper whole. Some might say that this is common place between men and women but the end of the episode is the real capper. Phil finally comes with a super adorable way to make everything better with the wife and their relationship becomes stronger then ever … Mike Croft Style indeed.

Now that I am on to ABC, I am expecting some sort of cheque or profit sharing arrangement toute suite or they will be receiving a nasty email from my lawyer.

Self Service License

Mike — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 00:21:51 +0000

This post marks the start of a what will likely be a long running series. I am going to rant about something, provide some sort of ridiculous solution, totally ignoring practicality and then really not do anything to bring about change other then the original complaint. We will begin with something I have briefly talked about in the past but was solidly reminded about today …

Self Service Check Outs

For anyone who has attempted to use these devices during any time of volume at a store you probably have noticed the basic problem with them. Society is not adept enough to use these machines. During most busy periods I have seen these are only adding to the frustration of the crowd. People have no idea what they are doing and instead of helping the customers get through the purchase process, they have become a collection of ‘call attendant’ machines. Of course this bank of 8 machines only has one attendant and the whole scene makes me want to return to the housewares department and find some knives.

So I am thinking we simply train, test and license people to use these machines. With only qualified people using the machines they will fullfill their purpose of helping churn the unwashed masses through the store. Wanting to speed their way through the system will motivate the ignorant to learn and get licensed. Seems like an easy fix to me. Lets get this one done right away!

You’re Welcome!

While You Are Waiting

Mike — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 03:08:54 +0000

As I sort through hundreds of pieces of fan mail I can tell that most of you are pretty disappointed with the volume of post lately. I can’t blame you, life has been busy (we have bought and sold houses in the last month) and I have been a little uninspired.

But I am going to try to bring back my A game. I am quickly collecting topics to rant about. Heidi has found a way to get me out of the house I have lived in for 28 years. I have a son who is about to turn 5 years old and happens to be a top notch comedian, or at least a comedy goldmine. I should have a plethora of topics to blather on about.

While you are waiting on me why don’t you have a look at the 2 new entries to my blog roll. Both of these people have just recently started their current blogs but at the rate they are both producing content they will surpass me in both volume and quality, within a month.

Eleisa Wife Life – Eleisa is wife to Franklin whom I worked with for many years at Citi. Even though I have only met her a couple of times and currently talk with Frankie occasionally on XBOX Live, the magic of Facebook and the posts on the blog keep me up to date with the whole family. Topics mainly revolve around cooking, being mother to 2 kids and wife to a husband on hemodialysis. But it is the posts about Frankie’s kidney failure that are the most moving, especially to anyone in a serious relationship.

J Gary Wise – Gary is a good friend who is an established Poker writer with ESPN but has just started this personal blog to expand his writing repertoire (<– from my word of the day calendar). Just over a week old he has already touched on a myriad of topics (Poker, MMA, Baseball, Movies, Television, Marriage and Mortgages) but no topic would surprise me. Gary is an excellent and passionate writer and well worth the read, even if the topics don’t directly interest you.

I will never write as well as Gary or be as moving as Eleisa but the dedication to their writing makes me want to write again. So spend some time reading their posts and then come back, I am sure I will have a new story of something terrible I saw in the men’s room shortly.