Author Archive

The Other Side Of The Stories

February 28, 2012 1 comment

Just in case anyone was still out there reading this thing after months of neglect.  Heidi has started her own blog. You should read it, she is pretty awesome.

It is a little different than this one. I doubt there will be as detailed coverage about Double Down’s, Poutine and other delicious, heart stopping fare. Though she still does manage to cover me getting hurt and doing stupid things.

This is the first time she has publicly talked about the event that most changed our lives. It is a bit of therapy for her but well written and full of crazy medical info (don’t want to spoil it but she is pretty special and not in a good way).  Part 1 of this specific article is here.

Categories: General Tags: ,

The Bets Are In

September 8, 2011 Leave a comment

Haven’t really been too active with my fun online betting account.  I deposited $100, 6+ months ago and my balance before my NFL future bets was $100.75.  Talk about ROE!  I consider myself lucky to have any money after that Royal Wedding – Queen Wears A Yellow Hat catastrophe.  I decided to splash some cash around big dollars on football.


Straight SB Bets:

  • $5 – Chargers to win the Superbowl +1000, Pays $55
  • $5 – Steelers to win the Superbowl +1100, Pays $60

Mike’s Retirement 8 Team Totals Parlay:

  • DEN Under 5.5 WINs
  • DAL Over 9.5 WINs
  • WAS Over 6.5 WINs
  • CIN Over 5.5 WINs
  • HOU Under 8.5 WINs
  • DET Under 7.5 WINs
  • GB Over 11.5 WINs
  • NO Under 10 WINs
Because the sports books apparently just give away money, the odds are this one are approximately +113348 so my $5 will win me $5672.39.  Hopefully I will be able to send you a post card from my private island.  Talk to you later, suckers!
Categories: Gambling, Sports


September 5, 2011 Leave a comment

I was 270.4 this morning.  Doing this thing for realzies now, watch out.

Categories: Tubby

Smurfity Smurf Smurf

August 16, 2011 1 comment

Well this morning I weighed in at 273.  Down 4 pounds from last week.   Not bad for not really doing too much beyond avoiding blantly terrible food.  Baby steps.

The family went out to see The Smurf movie tonight (not in 3D thankfully).  My offical review is MEH.  It was okay.  As far as kid movies go it was watchable but not great (great being Megamind or How To Train Your Dragon etc).  Hank Azaria as Gargamel was the saving grace. SPOILER ALERT: he gets tasered and hit by a bus.  It doesn’t take a lot to entertain this family.

The thing that upset me the most was the preview for the upcoming Alvin and Chipmunks movie.  What happened to Jason Lee?  He went from one of my favourite actors, staring in the early Kevin Smith movies, then became a Scientologist and now this.  What a waste.


Categories: Movies, Tubby

New House, New Person

August 9, 2011 1 comment

Hello legion of internet followers.  I have something to tell you that I have been avoiding for a while, so I am going to just come out and say it.  Over the last year I haven’t been good nor exhibited anything that could be considered self control.  This morning I weighed in at 277lbs.  So to summerize, over the last 2 years I managed to lose 60lbs in one year and then turn around and put on 75lbs in the following year.  Lets all agree not to tell Chris and Tanya.

It was a tough, hectic year and I am weak.  Anything else I say here would just be an excuse.  But I am putting that behind me and going to work on being a better person with better habbits.  Hopefully these conversations we have through this blog will keep me honest.

I am now well into the new job, the family has moved into the new house and life is slowly rolling back into ‘normal’.  Immediately I will be getting the eating under control.  Then I need to figure out something to do exercise wise.  I don’t have the luxury of a gym at the office anymore.  Getting back to running seems like the best call, just for easy of access more then anything. 

Wish me the best.  It seems I need it.

Categories: Tubby

Had It Up To Here

July 19, 2011 Leave a comment

Back at the blog and angry in point form.  Things I have had enough of …

  • Living in a trailer.
  • Gypsies looking into my soul.
  • Diesel pickup trucks idling for no real reason.
  • Having 3 stations that come in on this little TV … and not being able to fast forward through the commercials on said TV.
  • Drunk people yelling.
  • Children who have no bed time and should be penned.
  • Limited internet action.
  • “Emptying the tanks” … not a euphemism.
  • Little dogs.
  • Fridges that only hold 4 beers at a time.
  • Dirt roads and dust.
  • Spiders friggin everywhere.
  • Hitting my head on cabinets.
  • Lego Pirates Of The Caribbean.
  • A Laptop I have to use on my Lap and is approximately the temperature of the sun.
  • Humidity.
  • Toilets you use your foot to flush.
  • Worlds loudest air conditioner.
  • That dude hammering right now at 10pm.
  • Robotic vacuum cleaners looking to take over the world.  HUAR!

I feel a little better.

Categories: Rants

Bad Lip Reading

March 31, 2011 2 comments

I guess I have not been doing the best job of posting on the blog. <WEAK-EXCUSE> Both work and life have been crazy busy <\WEAK-EXCUSE>. But that hasn’t stopped me from skowering the internet for those really special must see things. Well here is a quick one for you.

May I present Bad Lip Reading.  Who ever they are, takes a music video, picks out new verses for the lip movements, records the new song and syncs it back up with the video.  I used to refer to myself as a professional mis-interpreter so I really enjoyed these videos.  I think you will too.  Hopefully they keep pumping them out.

Black Eyed Peas’ Boom Boom Pow becomes Everybody Poops.



And in a incredible upgrade, internet sensation song Friday by Rebecca Black becomes Gang Fight.


Categories: Awesome, Funny, Links, Music

Our Internet Hero?

March 4, 2011 3 comments

I think we talked about Urban Ninja in the past.  I guess I overlooked this video as an amazing one off until I came across this …

Obviously I find this video awesome on several levels.  But it is the trailer for Urban Ninja III at the end is really was peaked my interest.  Not only was this great news but it also pointed out that I had missed Urban Ninja II.  Immediately some internet searching began.  Quickly I was lead to the YouTube channel of the creator Robert Hoffman (aka PunchRobert).  Quickly looking through his collection of videos he appears to be extremely well rounded.  Breakdancer, Ninja, Comedian, Singer, Prankster and Rapper.  Sounds like the perfect entertainer to me.

So we would officially like to put the support of behind PunchRobert.  Check out his website and youtube page, you won’t be disappointed.  Here are a couple of samples to make it easy for you.

ABC Better Lawyer Up

February 25, 2011 2 comments

In our house, comedy reins supreme.  Even in our television selection, most of our DVR series recordings are comedies.  How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, 30 Rock and Community are all top notch shows.  But far and away our favourite is Modern Family.  They are half way through the second season and they continue to deliver every episode.  If you are not watching you really are doing yourself a disservice.

From the very beginning of the show I could relate to Phil.  The funny husband who is a joy to be around while perfectly balancing being a professional, a husband and a father is something that hits close to home.  None of his genius plans ever seem to work out.  Even though he is tremendously handy, he somehow ends up getting hurt.  Phil treats his son like he is a person not a kid.  He is fascinated by gadgets and addicted to fantasy sports.  Ladies love him and other men want to be him.

But then it dawned on me, the reason why I can relate so well, why everything seems so familiar … I am Phil Dunphy.  ABC has created their smash hit TV show, basing one of the main characters on me, my life and my stories.  Where’s my cut, my big check?

This weeks episode is the one that finally clued me in.  *SPOILER ALERT* It begins with Phil and his wife the morning after a huge fight … which Phil has no idea what it was about.  He spends the next day trying to fix (because men need to solve problems, not sympathize with the emotions involved) everything has gone wrong in actuality digging himself a deeper whole.  Some might say that this is common place between men and women but the end of the episode is the real capper.  Phil finally comes with a super adorable way to make everything better with the wife and their relationship becomes stronger then ever … Mike Croft Style indeed.

Now that I am on to ABC, I am expecting some sort of cheque or profit sharing arrangement toute suite or they will be receiving a nasty email from my lawyer.

Categories: Awesome, TV

Self Service License

February 21, 2011 2 comments

This post marks the start of a what will likely be a long running series.  I am going to rant about something, provide some sort of ridiculous solution, totally ignoring practicality and then really not do anything to bring about change other then the original complaint.  We will begin with something I have briefly talked about in the past but was solidly reminded about today …

Self Service Check Outs

For anyone who has attempted to use these devices during any time of volume at a store you probably have noticed the basic problem with them.  Society is not adept enough to use these machines.  During most busy periods I have seen these are only adding to the frustration of the crowd.   People have no idea what they are doing and instead of helping the customers get through the purchase process, they have become a collection of ‘call attendant’ machines.  Of course this bank of 8 machines only has one attendant and the whole scene makes me want to return to the housewares department and find some knives.

So I am thinking we simply train, test and license people to use these machines.  With only qualified people using the machines they will fullfill their purpose of helping churn the unwashed masses through the store.  Wanting to speed their way through the system will motivate the ignorant to learn and get licensed.  Seems like an easy fix to me.  Lets get this one done right away!

You’re Welcome!

Categories: Solving Your Problems

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